Guest Blog: What Is The Value Of Giving Children Time?

Insight of the week: When giving kids choices, it is important to build in time for them to make their decision.

One great example: at a preschool where I consult, a four-year-old was grabbing blocks out of her peer's hands. In a very positive tone and with ample drama, I turned to her and said, "Mabel, you have a really important decision to make. Do you want to hear what it is?"

She was immediately all ears. I continued, "We can find some free blocks so you can help build the tower. Or you can choose a different activity. This is a really big decision, so I am going to give you a whole minute to think about it. Then you can let me know your choice."

Note that I didn't have to say anything about what she shouldn't do which only triggers most kids and makes them less open to problem-solving. She could barely wait the full minute to blurt out her response (to find her own blocks), which cracked us both up.

This handy tool has been incredibly effective time after time for, I believe, two key reasons: 1) It focuses on the fact that it is the child's choice; the adult is just following through on the outcome of her choice which diffuses opposition; and, 2) It reduces impulsivity by building in time for the child to think about her decision.

Try it; I think you'll like it!